Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Cursed fates! (Or, It's so hard when everbody wants you)

I've tried to focus a little bit on the unattractive aspects of the woman I wrote about a couple days ago. While I think I'm seeing her as a slightly more complete person, my interest levels have not diminished. I will keep at it.

In the meantime a woman who I think has been crushing on me for a year or so has started chatting me up again. She's not polyamorous and has expressed a general disinterest in it previously; however I have seen her in a temporary triad before; even if she didn't use those words. I have other reservations about dating this woman, even though she seems sweet. However, the temptation to pursue this is present. So, how do I ensure that this isn't a distraction from my emotions for someone else? How can I demonstrate to myself this isn't just a craving for some new relationship energy? If I'm being honest here, and I like to think I am, what if I just want some strange?

I'm not sure I can compartmentalize these emotions. I'm fairly good at not taking my anger out on people who have nothing to do with it, but I'm not sure I can say the same about love/interest/sexual curiosity.

Then again, I'm sexually curious about any vagina-wielding person I encounter. This is even true of a transman I met. A part of me is very curious about exploring new vaginas. Usually the higher portions of my mind are able to quell my unruly/horny monkey brain; but since the tool I use to measure success is the same as what's being measured it's hard to be sure. It's easy to get lost out here on the frontier.

What I can say is if I wanted an easy relationship/sexual encounter there are ex's I could phone up. It has never taken me more than a three days to find a hookup, if that's what I'm after. So we can rule those out since that's not what I'm doing.

I guess there's nothing to do but explore my crusher's interest cautiously with frequent checks on why I'm acting the way I am; while staying the course on my crushee.

Having the love of a third woman as a constant makes this situation much less torturous. <3